Staying with the Mess

I was watching a video of Craig Valentine, a former world public speaking champion. A message he articulated in the video captured my attention.

'You can't create a message without first creating a mess'.

Wow. I thought of all the mess I had created. I had articulated a good number of ideas into words and then being dissatisfied with the quality (mess), deleted a bunch of them altogether. Most of my ideas and thoughts never saw the light of the day. Ouch! I realized that I have never been comfortable staying with the mess.

If you are anything like me, you are probably not expressing your passion enough, be it in writing, music or public speaking or anything else. Your need for perfectionism or standards is coming in the way.

So, how can we stay with the mess? More importantly, how can we get comfortable with the mess? Some elements from the agile methodology is definitely applicable here.

1. Stop the self judgement. The way we look at what we create is often very different from how others perceive it. It is quite possible that what we look at as crap could be perceived as a masterpiece by others. Even otherwise, there is no magic bullet to creating a masterpiece without first getting the ideas into creation. Acknowledge that the creation is more important than what our ego is telling us.

2. Share the mess and get feedback. This is the scary part, where we fear that negative feedback from people will actually reinforce what we tell ourselves at the beginning, that this creation of ours is crap. This is however the exact same path that can help us get comfortable with mess. If we can learn to filter out the criticism and absorb improvement suggestions, we are on our way.

3. Never stop iterating. Sometimes, fatigue will kick in and we will be tempted to explore other avenues that will look far more exciting, as opposed to working on the mess. But if we can be persistent and keep iterating, we will get to the message.

When we polish the rock, time and again, eventually the diamond within will shine through. This requires non judgement, ability to withstand criticism and persistence. At the end of the day it is totally worth it when the message or the masterpiece shines through. 

My Coaching Business, My Baby

Have you ever felt really stressed about a new venture or a new initiative that you took up? You wake up in the morning, feeling heavy in your head, thinking about all the tasks that lies ahead. A deep sense of overwhelm. I know I did.

When I realized that Coaching was my calling, it was like a light bulb went on in my head. I felt exhilarated and panic stricken at the same time. Exhilarated that I have found something that I cared about deeply, that would feed my soul. Panic stricken about all the work that lay ahead in making this calling my reality.

As I took baby steps and got my initial few paying clients, I felt totally alive. I felt joy in my heart and a spring in my step. But with initial success comes high expectations. I decided I had to become a coach full time soon and my mind calculated all the thousand steps that had to be done, immediately!

I have to setup the website, today. I have to print my visiting cards, today. I have to get like a 100 clients, today. As my mind began to focus on all the things that needed to happen immediately, I realized the stress in my head. I realized that the joy of actually experiencing the work of coaching was slipping away.

I decided to take a break and spend time alone, in nature. Just being present in nature is a healing experience and I sensed calmness in my heart. I came back and discussed with my coach on my expectations vis-à-vis setting up the coaching business. I spent time introspecting and came up with a few questions for myself.

What if this business is instead a teeny tiny baby? Would I want this baby to grow up and become an adult in 6 months or in a year? Would I burden the baby with all of the responsibilities? Would I stress the baby to work all day to earn enough to pay all of the bills?

The answer was loud and clear.

I realized that my coaching business is very much my baby. I love it with all of my heart.  All I have to do is to nurture it, every single day and trust that in time, it will stand up on its own legs, walk and eventually run. Till that happens, I am grateful to continue to have a day job that pays the bills, that gives me the space to nurture my calling.

What is your calling, your passion that you want to express, every single day? What are your expectations around it? If it were to be your baby, how would you approach it?