3 Step Process to Self Transformation

I believe that there are 3 fundamental steps that is required if we want to transform our lives. 

1. Discover our values and tune into them

Our emotions are governed by what we feel at a particular point in time. When we are not in tune with our deepest values, we let our emotions drive our behavior. This would mean reacting as opposed to responding from within. For example, if we are not in tune with a deep value (Eg: Love), then we would respond to differences with anger. On the contrary, when we are deeply in tune with ourselves, we can learn to look at the situation from a different perspective. We will still feel the initial emotion but will move over to your higher sense of self.

2. Re-wire our beliefs through perspective shifting

By operating from our highest sense of ourselves, we can tune in to our beliefs and check as to whether the beliefs are empowering or dis-empowering. For example, if we believe that the other person is completely unreasonable and/or that the situation has no solution, guess what, there will be no solution. But instead, if we can believe in our heart of hearts, that any problem or issue can be solved, then we will learn to see through differences and genuinely try to find common ground. Most importantly, we will be able to operate from a sense of compassion, even for those we disagree with. Overall, we will start discovering the freedom to take action, even in challenging situations.

3. Change our Habits to step into Action

Once we re-wire our beliefs, we need to identify habits that are holding us back and replace them with empowering habits. For instance, if we have been habituated to not taking action and express our voice with those we disagree with, even after our beliefs change, we will wait and question ourselves on whether we need to express ourselves. We need to change the way we perceive pleasure and pain and associate pain with not taking action and pleasure with taking even the tiniest of actions, however difficult it may be. 

When we do this on a consistent basis, our habits will start reflecting our beliefs and our values and eventually change us into the person we want to become. 

Learning from Babies

Ever since I had my first born kid a few weeks back, I have been seeing baby videos all over facebook. It got me thinking about the amazing qualities of babies that we can imbibe as adults.

1. Babies express their emotions fully

Be it frustration, anger, sadness or joy, kids express each of their emotions fully and without any inhibitions. There is no self judgement and there is no need to judge other kids! As adults, we often bottle up our emotions within ourselves and often judge ourselves, almost all the time! This leads us to not enjoy the full feeling of our emotions apart from causing issues in our life. We can truly live your life to the fullest by imbibing this quality. Of course, we have to choose the right outlets to vent out your emotions (For example, you do not want to shout at your boss, right :P)

2. Babies do not carry any grudges

Have you seen babies fight? They push each other, cry, shout but within minutes they are back in each other's arms! How amazing would it be, if we can do that in our adult relationships? Of course, we need to swallow that elephant in the room called ego. Considering the upside, why not? If we can completely be comfortable in our own skin without seeking any approval from the outside world, then we can develop the ability to reach out and heal relationships.

3. Babies live in the Present

This is a no-brainer! Of course, considering the way our mind ebbs and flows, this is obviously the toughest quality to imbibe! There are many ways with most folks prescribing meditation, being in silence, being focused on whatever we do. I for one, find it only when I am in flow, doing something with all of my focus and energies. There is a long road ahead, but so completely worth it!

As my baby grows, I hope to grow the child within me and also trigger the child within you, when we connect :) Lets say aye and enter the world of babies together!

Emotional Mindset - The Key to Achievement

I have been thinking about the gap that I have observed between the goals that I set and the ones that I achieve. There is bound to be a gap (Nobody is perfect) but this has been bothering me quite a bit, of late. Like many of you, I set my goals following the SMART model (Specific Measurable Achievable Realistic and Timely) but have often ended up missing a number of them. This often has lead to a lot of self blame, negative self talk and an overall dip in my energy levels.

What about you? Have you blamed yourself for your failures? What has been the outcome?

Of late, I have been wondering the reason for that gap. The personal goals that I set are close to my heart and they definitely have meaning in my life. So it is not the lack of 'Why' that has led to that gap. I am highly emotionally invested when I set these goals. I am excited and raring to go and make it happen.

The critical difference that I have found is my emotional mindset between the time when I am setting the goals and the time when I am acting on the goals. When I am acting on the goals, I often focus on the 'Doing' and not so much on the 'Being'. 

This has led to self talk of 'I should do it' rather than 'I am born to do this'.

Do you feel this way? Does the activity start burdening you as opposed to exciting you? 

When I observe athletes, this emotional mindset is evident. They act from a state of being. The emotion within them propels them to overcome all the barriers and achieve what they set out to do. Emotional mindset is the key that will lessen the gap between setting and achieving the goals!

What are the questions that we can ask ourselves as we head towards the end of the year?

Who am I when it comes to my goals? Who am I becoming? What's my emotional mindset on a day to day basis? What's the emotion within me when I visualize the end game? How do I amp up my emotional quotient? 

I believe that as I discover the right answers, my emotional mindset will carry me across the finish line! And I hope that it gets you to your goals and dreams as well!

Saying YES to and Saying NO to

I will say YES to:

- Coaching
- Speaking
- Reading Books
- Writing
- Research
- Exercise

I will say NO to:

- Facebook/Twitter/Social Media
- TV
- NetFlix
- News/Politics

Dealing with the addiction of news

When I look back at the amount of time I have squandered away on following news, it gives me a sinking feeling in my stomach. For the last several months, I have been addicted to following every single news especially pertaining to the US political election. I keep switching between CNN, FOX, MSNBC and following news online through FiveThirtyEight, Politico, Washington Post and others. I do not know whether I have become any wiser but I have clearly seen the negative effects of this addiction. I feel that my mind is getting cluttered and I have been struggling to focus on anything for more than 30 minutes, sometimes even lesser than that.

I feel the need to get away from the noise and to deal with this addiction. I read in an article in Quora that winners are creators, not consumers. I want to create more and consume less. Here is what I plan to say YES to and to say NO to for the next few months in 2016:

I will say YES to:

1. Still my mind as soon as I wake up by meditating for 10 minutes

2. Continue Journaling and Daily Affirmations in the Morning

3. Write/Blog every single day (Quality does NOT matter - It is the process of writing that is key)

4. Reading/Listening to Audio Books and Videos on Personal Development

I will say NO to:

1. Checking Mobile Phone every other hour (I will check Social Media only once a day)

2. Following News in TV and Online every other hour (I will follow them only once a day)

3. Spending any time on Netflix Drama Series

I am deeply committed to making this happen and ensure that 2016 that has been a great year ends on an even greater note!

Daily Journaling

One important habit I have picked up recently is Journaling. I spend 10 minutes a day every day in thinking about and answering the following questions:

1. What are 3 things that I am grateful for?

2. What would make today great? What are the top 3 focus areas?

3. Affirmations: I am

At night, before I go to sleep, I introspect and answer the following questions:

1. What are the amazing things that happened to me today

2. How could I have improved today? What can I do better tomorrow?

It is already creating a shift in my thinking and the way I am approaching each day. It is a habit that I feel deeply committed to doing every single day. And I hope to spread this habit to my family, friends and anybody who wants to improve their mindset and be happier.

Feeling the Fear and Doing it Anyway

Over the past one month, I have been taking baby steps towards key personal initiatives and every single time, I have stopped short of making any meaningful progress on them. I have thought about the reason why I am sabotaging my own efforts and came to a realization about my fear of change.

There is a dichotomy here. On the one hand, I really want to change certain habits and on the other hand, the more I try to change them, the more my fear sends me in the opposite direction, right into my bad habits. I feel terrible procrastinating and slipping into my bad habits, over and over again. 

I also understand that I am human and I am forgiving myself for my missteps. This is the way it is meant to be. Change is meant to be slow and painful and it involves feeling the fear and doing them anyway. This month, I am going to breathe into my fears and going to take action every single day!