Dealing with our Inner Critic

'You are not good enough!'

'You simply cannot succeed at this!'

'This is beyond you!'

When I prepared for CAT and failed year after year, these voices kept getting louder and louder. I found myself waging a battle against myself. When I cleared CAT finally, I was relieved and exhausted that my battle with the voices in my head was finally over. But NO, the voices went on and on, often pulling me down, when I screwed up in exams and later when I screwed up at work. It is not just me. I often hear people blame themselves, when they screw up, at times. 

'I am terrible at public speaking'

'I always screw up in interviews'

'I am just not good at parenting'

Do you feel that way? Does your inner critic blame you for screwing up? At a time when are emotional, when you need the maximum support, when you feel like you need oxygen to breathe, have you felt your inner critic drag you down deeper? Crushing your spirit?  

The key question to ask is 'Is this true or is this a story that you are making up'?

Let's be clear. The emotion is real. We do feel sadness and/or anger when we fail, when we screw up. We feel miserable, disappointed, dejected, even depressed. We also feel frustrated and angry. But is the story, that we make up, about ourselves, in that moment, really true?

Why not separate the emotion from the story? 

Let us all think about the stories that our inner critics had thrown at us, when we went through tough times. And the next time we face our inner critic, let's ask these questions:

What is possible, if we treat ourselves with compassion, when we screw up? 

What is possible, when we allow ourselves to feel our emotions fully, without blaming ourselves?

What is possible when we voice it out loudly to ourselves 'This story is not true!'

I, for one, will be keeping a close watch on my inner critic! I hope you do too!

Re-Calibrating my Values and Goals

It has been an extremely average last few weeks for me. I pride myself on setting stretch goals but after 2 weeks of continuous missteps, I feel the need to re-evaluate. I feel that my priorities are changing and some of the goals that I have set for myself does not make sense to me anymore. Also, while I know for a fact that pursuing goals as part of a group has better chance of success, I have not set goals for myself from that standpoint. 

What are my core values that I deeply identify with, that's my oxygen that keeps me going??  

What goals best embrace those values, that makes my life meaningful??

As I introspect, these are the values that I feel deeply connected to, with all of my heart.

| Energy | Overcoming Limits | Growth Mindset | Mindfulness | Connection | Playfulness | 

Through these values, I envision myself moving closer towards fulfilling my potential.

I envision myself as representing the energy of the wind that keeps blowing every second of every minute of the day. By overcoming my physical limits, I will achieve my goals of completing biking marathons, hiking difficult peaks and developing a lean and fit body. By overcoming my mental limits by imbibing a growth mindset, I will achieve my learning goals in a range of topics including Coaching, Leadership and Entrepreneurship. I will be mindful and fully present and will connect deeply with like minded people. Above all, I will develop a playful mindset that will keep me happy and grounded, amidst all of the growth.

Accordingly, I am tweaking my daily goals along these lines:

- Daily Morning Routine of Practicing Gratitude through Journaling

- Daily Prayer, Surya Namaskar and Meditation

- Deep and continuous focus for 90 min twice a day on key learning topics

- Daily Running or Daily Biking for 30 minutes

On weekends, I will focus on connecting with friends and like minded folks and on having fun.

I am excited in setting these new goals that I feel resonates with me and confident that this will take me in the direction of leading a life of my dreams!

Incorporate 'AUM' in your life!

                                                  

'AUM 'is a sacred sanskrit mantra that is revered in ancient Indian scriptures. I first came to know about it, 15 years ago, when I attended my first Yoga class in India. We used to chant 'AUM' (pronounced 'AAAHOHHHMMM') 3 times, at the beginning of the practice. My yoga master, Venkatraman sir had an interesting explanation about what each sound in A-U-M represents. The 'AAAH' sound stands for Creation, the 'OHHH' sound for Preservation and the 'MMM' sound for Destruction. 'AUM' represented the endless cycle of Creation, Preservation and Destruction!

As I was chanting 'AUM' mantra this morning, this thought around creation, preservation and destruction floated in my head. It set me thinking on what I want to create, preserve and destroy in my life.

I have been installing a new morning routine that revolves around Yoga and Meditation. I would love to add Journaling into that routine. Having an additional 30 minutes would greatly help and I am going to install/create a new habit of Journaling. There is no doubt that Journaling every day would put me in a great frame of mind in the morning! It will help me have clarity around my key values, understand what truly matters and ensure I focus my energies around that!

What do You want to create in your life?

I am grateful for all the love and happiness that is present in my life today. However, I am prone to a lot of distraction that sometimes inhibits the amount of attention that I give to my loved ones. I would love to preserve all the beautiful relationships by truly listening to them, giving 100% attention to every conversation that I have with them!

What do You want to preserve in your life?

I have had a history of starting on new initiatives and not pushing them on towards the logical completion. Even as I continue to put in all of my energies in becoming better and installing a new self image of sorts, there are the negative voices in my head, the limiting beliefs that crop up, from time to time. I want to destroy the limiting beliefs in my head that slows down my growth and achieve my goals faster and reach higher!

What do You want to destroy in your life?

Here's to YOU to create and preserve those values that are most precious to YOU and to destroy those values that inhibits YOU from realizing your potential!

Recommended Read - Presenting to Win

One of the clients who I was working with, highly recommended that I read this book called 'Presenting to Win' by Jerry Weissman. I have always been fairly comfortable both preparing presentations and presenting them, whenever I got the chance. Hence I was a little reticent to try this out initially but when I had some time last weekend, I decided to read it. Am glad that I did and to be honest, I found the book not only insightful but filled with lots of specific case studies and examples.

Check out a few key pointers below that the author recommends for an effective presentation:

• Every communication has as its goal to take the audience from where they are at the start of your presentation, which is Point A, and move them to your objective, which is Point B; To reach Point B, you need to move the uninformed audience to understand, the dubious audience to believe, and the resistant audience to act in a particular way

•             Mastering Audience Advocacy means learning to view yourself, your company, your story, and your presentation through the eyes of your audience

•       Building a presentation is a creative process. That means starting with the right brain; Let the right brain complete its stream-of-consciousness cycle before applying the left brain’s structure

•       There are proven techniques for organizing ideas in a logical sequence to create a lucid and persuasive presentation. These techniques are called Flow Structures; Eg: Chronological, Problem/Solution, etc.

•            There are many opening gambits to draw the audience attention; Eg: Analogy, Quotation, etc.

•       Less Is More should be your guiding principle when you are creating your presentation graphics

     These are many more key pointers with specific examples to help drive the 'Why' piece of the pointers. This is a recommended read for anyone (especially if you are in sales or consulting) who aspires to improve their presentation skills and persuade their customer towards the intended objective. A must read!

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Toastmaster Speech - CC06 - My experience at the DMV

Early this year, I chanced to read upon a book on Presentation. The title is 'Presenting to Win' by Jerry Weissman. I loved the book and it helped me deepen my knowledge around presentation and how critical it is to grab the audience's attention and not let go.

I tried implementing the concepts at my toastmaster's speech and it went off, very well. I am sharing the content of the speech (I did make some off the cuff comments, but that is how it is for most speeches anyway :) )

Have you ever seen a video of a lion strutting about in the jungle? It moves in an absolutely self-assured manner, so sure of itself, almost arrogantly. There is no fear, no worry for the lion – After all, it is the king of the jungle! Well, this was how I went to DMV last year to give my driving test. After all, I had nothing to worry about. I have driven a car for 10 years! I was not a beginner!

My wife kept repeating to me – You need to practice and prepare well. Inspite of multiple reminders, I went to DMV with not much of practice. After all, why should a 12^th grade student worry about taking a 1^st grade exam? I met the DMV instructor who looked at me, much the way an army officer will look at a new joinee. Once the instructions were through, we started the drill. All through the drive, I had a smug smile on my face and towards the end of the drive, I thought the job was done. The DMV officer looked at me and said ‘You have failed’. I was shocked! I asked him why and he told me that I had made a dangerous maneuver. Dangerous maneuver! I have driven a car for 10 years! I was really angry when I headed back home. I told my wife that the Fremont DMV office was way too harsh and that I will take the next exam in a different center.

I walked in to the Tracy DMV office with a similar air of confidence. After all, one cannot make the same mistake twice. I conversed with the DMV instructor who was much more friendly. I proceeded to drive very carefully. At a particular signal, I had to take a left and when I took that left, I saw another lane to my right as well! The DMV instructor straightaway said ‘You have failed as it was a lane violation’. I was flabbergasted. As I went home, I was thinking of what to explain to my wife who had zero driving experience but had cleared the exam in her first attempt.

I had driven a car for 10 years! How could this happen to me??

And then it struck me the reason why am failing. It is the very fact that I considered myself above the bar and neglected putting in the time and effort. It is about having a beginner’s mindset and all about practice, practice and practice. 

I have to have a first grade mindset to clear a first grade exam!

And yes, as a wise man once said, it always makes sense to listen to one’s better half!

And so, I went back to the drawing board, not as a lion but as a deer. I practiced with a high degree of alertness and awareness and I practiced, practiced and practiced. Finally, I went back to the DMV office (Pleasanton this time) and went through the exam very cautiously.  When I finished, the DMV instructor proceeded to tell me all the areas that I could improve on. After some time, I interrupted with a simple question – ‘Did I pass’? She replied – ‘Yes, but I have to tell you the areas that you should improve to be a better driver’.

Phew! I was so relieved! It felt like I have achieved the impossible! At the end of the day, I have gained some important insights through this experience.

One – It is important to have a beginner’s mindset and Two – Practice, Practice and Practice more

These are qualities that I hope I bring into toastmasters and I wish for all of you as well. Thank you!

2016 - Becoming more of me

2015 was a terrific year full of discovery and learning about self. It was a year where I finally got a sense of clarity around my values and my strengths. It was a year where I finally made peace with myself and my past and around all the feelings of inadequacy that I had been grappling with. It was a year where I felt gratitude and love for all that I have been blessed with.

As I look forward to 2016, I sense a shift within me. It is not so much about what I want to do and achieve but rather who I want to evolve into. I want to become more of me and that means living my core values of love, family, compassion, service and personal growth. My deepest wish is that I live these values every minute of my life moving forward and not be side-tracked by focusing too much on the future and what I need to do to get there.

To focus on living my values, I need to simplify my life and remove the clutter so that I can truly focus on what is essential.Here is a list of things I will say YES to and a list of things that I will say NO to:

Yes to:

-          Being fully present in the moment

-          Deep listening

-          Being deeply curious and having a learning/exploring mindset

-     Volunteering and pro bono activities

-     Authentic connections

No to:

-     Time on Social media

-     Procrastination

-     Negativity

On this journey to become more of me, I hope to make a positive impact on the people around me.

I wish all of you a memorable and growth filled 2016!

November Fitness Goals Update and December Goals

I had set an ambitious target of 300 miles in November and ultimately it turned out to be too ambitious. I ended up with 120 odd miles with only about 20 miles of biking in the 2nd half of the month. Failure teaches some important lessons and i realized that i needed to strengthen my muscles in order to push my body more. Hence, i am joining a gym close by to focus on strengthening my core. Will set incremental biking goals month on month till i reach a point where i can go after big targets.