The Paradox of Duality

Have you ever experienced wanting to move away from something and then when you get it you want the exact opposite? 

I experience it all the time. 

When I found myself challenged with an all consuming growth oriented role, I badly wanted stability. Once I moved into a stable role, I began to crave for growth and challenges. 

When I found myself surrounded by people all the time, I asked for independence. Once I had my own space, I began to crave for people and connections.

When I found myself at home on weekends, I asked for fun and travel. After a bit of travelling, all I wanted was to be home on weekends.

It used to bother me and I used to worry that maybe I did not have clarity on what I really wanted. I used to feel anxious and constantly questioned my decisions and felt self critical.

That was when I asked myself, what is it that life is teaching me through this duality paradox.

What I have come to learn is that I need to embrace fully what life comes up with. Life keeps changing and every experience has its own learning. I choose to dance in the paradox of duality and trust that the universe is teaching me something that will come in handy.

I can choose to thrive in the challenge of growth and to breathe in the space of stability. I can choose to celebrate in the joy of heart based connections and to meditate in the seat of silence. I can choose to play in the sands of adventure and to relax in the warmth of home.

Instead of questioning my intellect, when I choose to dance in the moment with what comes up, my anxiety is replaced by calmness and peace.

When you face this duality paradox, how can you choose so that life empowers you as opposed to pulling you down? What will you choose?

My India Trip

I went to India for my brother's marriage. The trip could not have gone better and I had an amazing time connecting with my family and loved ones. I felt a lot of deep and powerful emotions within me as I had meaningful and heart based conversations with family and friends. In a way, it was as if I never left and I was struck by the intensity of the love and affection I felt for all of my folks there. I felt deeply grateful to CTI and the amazing set of coaches who have helped me connect to my core and stand up for my values in a powerful way. I felt stronger compared to the person I was, when I left India 2.5 years back. Looking at the quality of life and chaotic environment, it further reinforced my desire to build up my skills, make a name for myself in the field of coaching and return back only when I can contribute to a change in the society. Till that point, I needed to focus on the opportunities that are in front of me, even if a piece of me is saddened to leave my home country, I hope that one day, I can go back and make at-least a tiny difference. 

2017 - My Intention

2016 has been a great year! Never before have I felt so deeply connected with myself and with my loved ones. Never before have I felt as grateful as I do now, especially after the birth of my child.

As I step into 2017, I sense a shift within me. The obsession that I have had over so many years to improve, to transform, to become somebody more than who I was, this obsession, I am sensing now, has subsided. I feel at peace with who I am. I feel connected to who I am. I feel that I am enough.

In 2017. the only intention I have is to be me, every single day, every single minute. I pray that I continue to connect with my sense of self, and step into my power, my potential. To continue to live my values. to continue to love fully, to be curious, to listen, to learn, and to serve. To be playful, to be present. To be courageous. To live my purpose, more than ever. And to be kind and gentle, above all.

2017 - I welcome you with all of my heart!   

Becoming Vegan

I have often thought about becoming a Vegan. I experimented with it briefly last year and went without dairy for about 3 months. At that time, I definitely felt more energetic and would have continued, but for some recurring stomach aches. I was having way too much spice and not having curd, I think contributed to the stomach aches

Now, I feel ready to be vegan. I plan to limit salt/spice intake and this should help with my continuing vegan diet. This shift in my diet directly contributes to some of my most important 2017 goals:

1. This will help me become the healthiest and fittest version of myself

2. This will definitely boost my energy levels - I want to be my most energetic version in 2017

3. Instead of talking about Animal Cruelty, I get to act and take a stand on it

It feels right turning vegan and I hope this helps in 2017 becoming my best year so far

3 Step Process to Self Transformation

I believe that there are 3 fundamental steps that is required if we want to transform our lives. 

1. Discover our values and tune into them

Our emotions are governed by what we feel at a particular point in time. When we are not in tune with our deepest values, we let our emotions drive our behavior. This would mean reacting as opposed to responding from within. For example, if we are not in tune with a deep value (Eg: Love), then we would respond to differences with anger. On the contrary, when we are deeply in tune with ourselves, we can learn to look at the situation from a different perspective. We will still feel the initial emotion but will move over to your higher sense of self.

2. Re-wire our beliefs through perspective shifting

By operating from our highest sense of ourselves, we can tune in to our beliefs and check as to whether the beliefs are empowering or dis-empowering. For example, if we believe that the other person is completely unreasonable and/or that the situation has no solution, guess what, there will be no solution. But instead, if we can believe in our heart of hearts, that any problem or issue can be solved, then we will learn to see through differences and genuinely try to find common ground. Most importantly, we will be able to operate from a sense of compassion, even for those we disagree with. Overall, we will start discovering the freedom to take action, even in challenging situations.

3. Change our Habits to step into Action

Once we re-wire our beliefs, we need to identify habits that are holding us back and replace them with empowering habits. For instance, if we have been habituated to not taking action and express our voice with those we disagree with, even after our beliefs change, we will wait and question ourselves on whether we need to express ourselves. We need to change the way we perceive pleasure and pain and associate pain with not taking action and pleasure with taking even the tiniest of actions, however difficult it may be. 

When we do this on a consistent basis, our habits will start reflecting our beliefs and our values and eventually change us into the person we want to become. 

Learning from Babies

Ever since I had my first born kid a few weeks back, I have been seeing baby videos all over facebook. It got me thinking about the amazing qualities of babies that we can imbibe as adults.

1. Babies express their emotions fully

Be it frustration, anger, sadness or joy, kids express each of their emotions fully and without any inhibitions. There is no self judgement and there is no need to judge other kids! As adults, we often bottle up our emotions within ourselves and often judge ourselves, almost all the time! This leads us to not enjoy the full feeling of our emotions apart from causing issues in our life. We can truly live your life to the fullest by imbibing this quality. Of course, we have to choose the right outlets to vent out your emotions (For example, you do not want to shout at your boss, right :P)

2. Babies do not carry any grudges

Have you seen babies fight? They push each other, cry, shout but within minutes they are back in each other's arms! How amazing would it be, if we can do that in our adult relationships? Of course, we need to swallow that elephant in the room called ego. Considering the upside, why not? If we can completely be comfortable in our own skin without seeking any approval from the outside world, then we can develop the ability to reach out and heal relationships.

3. Babies live in the Present

This is a no-brainer! Of course, considering the way our mind ebbs and flows, this is obviously the toughest quality to imbibe! There are many ways with most folks prescribing meditation, being in silence, being focused on whatever we do. I for one, find it only when I am in flow, doing something with all of my focus and energies. There is a long road ahead, but so completely worth it!

As my baby grows, I hope to grow the child within me and also trigger the child within you, when we connect :) Lets say aye and enter the world of babies together!

Emotional Mindset - The Key to Achievement

I have been thinking about the gap that I have observed between the goals that I set and the ones that I achieve. There is bound to be a gap (Nobody is perfect) but this has been bothering me quite a bit, of late. Like many of you, I set my goals following the SMART model (Specific Measurable Achievable Realistic and Timely) but have often ended up missing a number of them. This often has lead to a lot of self blame, negative self talk and an overall dip in my energy levels.

What about you? Have you blamed yourself for your failures? What has been the outcome?

Of late, I have been wondering the reason for that gap. The personal goals that I set are close to my heart and they definitely have meaning in my life. So it is not the lack of 'Why' that has led to that gap. I am highly emotionally invested when I set these goals. I am excited and raring to go and make it happen.

The critical difference that I have found is my emotional mindset between the time when I am setting the goals and the time when I am acting on the goals. When I am acting on the goals, I often focus on the 'Doing' and not so much on the 'Being'. 

This has led to self talk of 'I should do it' rather than 'I am born to do this'.

Do you feel this way? Does the activity start burdening you as opposed to exciting you? 

When I observe athletes, this emotional mindset is evident. They act from a state of being. The emotion within them propels them to overcome all the barriers and achieve what they set out to do. Emotional mindset is the key that will lessen the gap between setting and achieving the goals!

What are the questions that we can ask ourselves as we head towards the end of the year?

Who am I when it comes to my goals? Who am I becoming? What's my emotional mindset on a day to day basis? What's the emotion within me when I visualize the end game? How do I amp up my emotional quotient? 

I believe that as I discover the right answers, my emotional mindset will carry me across the finish line! And I hope that it gets you to your goals and dreams as well!