What's calling out to you?

Over the past several months, I have set aside time for volunteering on causes close to my heart. While I have dabbled across multiple causes, I came across leaders from different walks of life who are deeply focused on a single cause and are passionate about creating an impact through their work. On interacting with them, I found that they do not look at what they do as work, it is their mission in life, their calling.

I am convinced that if we want to live a full life, we need to discover our calling. Now, how do we discover our calling? My experience in interacting with these inspiring leaders gave me an insight.

When I volunteered at Habitat for Humanity, I met several kindred spirits who were so fortunate with what they had received in life (Education, Money) that they wanted to give back to the folks who really needed help. When I volunteered at Challenge Day, I met incredibly inspiring leaders who had gone through so much in their childhood (Drugs, Alcohol, Abuse) that their mission is to educate high school children to understand that light is indeed possible at the end of a dark and long tunnel. 

Two completely opposite experiences in life and yet the same outcome towards living their calling.

It boils down to asking ourselves the following questions.

1. What have I received so much in my life that I am so grateful for, that I want to give back to the society?

2. What have I suffered so much in my life, that I never want to see another person go through what I did?

As I spend time with these questions, I am in the process of uncovering something powerful within me that is calling out to me. I am excited to explore what comes up. 

What about you? What's calling out to you?

Power of Self Acceptance

There have been so many days in my life when I used to let myself down by not meeting my goals. Be it annual goals, monthly or even daily goals. I had a penchant for screwing it up. Of course when you fail in the face of your own expectations, guess what your inner critic (voice in your head) will do to you. My inner critic used to beat me up, day after day after day. 

'You are lazy!'  'You are pathetic!'  'You will never improve!'

All of us have faced this inner critic with varying levels of intensity. We almost always come up with a single minded approach to tackling the inner critic. Do more. Get better. Toughen up. In the face of a mountain that seems to become bigger with each failure, we convince ourselves that the only way forward is to run faster. To push harder. We see stories of underdogs winning against all odds and hope against hope that we would be that person, one day. That our massive action will crush our inner critic.

I have tried to take massive action under the crushing weight of past failures. The result has not been pretty. How fast do you think I could run, when my shoulders are unable to handle the increasing burden. I ended up unable to take massive action and failed, yet again. It ultimately led to not just increasing self criticism, but a gaping loss of self esteem. The result? Apathy and Depression. 

Well then, how to handle the inner critic? I recommend a powerful approach, that worked for me, like a dream. It also has the added benefit of making us happier and feeling alive!

Accept ourselves. Fully. With all of our flaws.

The immediate reaction I hear is 'But I already have'!' 'That's what my inner critic has been saying'

No! our inner critic has been feeding us stories. There are flaws and there are stories. 'I take time to understand' is a flaw while 'I am stupid' is a story. By accepting a flaw fully and powerfully, we gain the freedom to focus on improving it or we get to focus instead on enhancing a gift that we have. With stories, there is no choice. There is only pain with no exit in sight.

There is power in authenticity. The minute we look deep within ourselves and accept our flaws, our perspective shifts. We begin to see the beauty within us, the values that have been buried within us and we can begin to understand ourselves better. This in turn gives us the chance to focus on what makes us come alive, what we care about and what truly matters. 

All of us can do more to live richer, fuller lives. But connecting with our values and being our own unique selves, with our own unique gifts and eccentricities is the starting point. When we begin to take steps to fully accept ourselves, that is the time when our soul begins ti wake up. That is the time for massive action. And that is the approach to transforming our lives!

What action can we collectively take today to fully accept ourselves?

Exploring Life from the lens of Curiosity and Wonder

Yesterday, I got an interesting perspective on living life when I was playing with my 4 month old daughter, Srinidhi. She was lying in the cushion on the floor, and she was constantly scanning the room to stare at everything in the room she could possibly see. After singing to her, I suddenly felt like laying down on the floor, right next to her. When I looked up at the ceiling and the room, I felt very light. I remembered my childhood, and thought about how I felt when I used to look up at the stars from the open terrace in my house. 

What would it be, if we can look and approach at life in the same way, with endless curiosity and a deep sense of wonder? 

Why a Co-Active Relationship works

In the last post, we explored about the equal partnership between the Co-active coach and a typical client with big dreams. But, even assuming it is a equal relationship, why would anybody want to share their biggest dreams and fears with their coach? Why would we risk being vulnerable?

We live in a world where we feel judged every single minute, in everything we do. That begins with our very own self critic, who often takes great pleasure at pointing out all the things that we screwed up. When we muster up the courage to divulge our hopes and fears  with our loved ones and close friends, there are times where we feel supported but there are also times where we get to receive advice that comes from the space of judgement. Eventually, we get to a space where we hold onto our dreams within ourselves and sometimes even convince ourselves that it is not worth aspiring towards.

The strength of the Co-Active relationship is the safe space of absolute non judgement. In this space, vulnerability and authentic expression of dreams and desires are celebrated. In this space, the client gets to connect deeply and powerfully with themselves and get clarity on why they pursue their dreams and what steps they will take to achieve it. 

In the safe space of absolute non judgement and vulnerability. as a client, you get to see and feel the best of who you are, at your core. When you feel that. you automatically step up your game and run towards achieving your dreams. As a client, I got to experience that and that is why I believe the Co-Active relationship works. 

If you are looking for a safe space to connect and talk about your dreams, I am available for a quick 30 minute sample session. Please message me, if interested.

Co-Active Relationship between a Coach and a Client

The relationship between a Consultant and a Client is well defined. A client comes up with issues/problems and asks for the consultant's expertise to provide a resolution to the issues and add value through the insights/innovative ideas that they provide. The relationship between a therapist and a client is also well defined. The client comes up with personal, deep seated issues and the therapist focuses on the issue by going into the past and helping the client heal and make peace with their issues.

The relationship between a co-active coach and client is different. Here's how:

In both the above scenarios, the power or expertise is vested with the consultant/therapist. As a client, you go in with the mindset of acquiring expertise/advice through which you can resolve a problem.

But in a co-active relationship, there is no power or expertise equation. The coach and the client are equal partners with the coach providing the space for the clients to uncover by themselves what they truly want and how they want to go about achieving their dreams.

Intrigued? If you are interested, let me know and I will schedule a free 30 min free sample session. It is best to experience it for yourself, and see whether this fits in with what you want! 

Why Co-Active Coaching for You

The very first thought that pops up for many folks when they hear about coaching is that 'Hmm sounds interesting but I do not think is for me'. People associate coaching with consulting and assume that coaches provide guidance or advice on the things that matter in their career or relationships or other key areas in their lives. The question becomes 'Why do I need someone to tell me how to lead my life, my career and my relationships'??

The first step is to address this assumption. While some coaches do provide services that are akin to consulting services, Co-Active coaching is as far to consulting as it could get. Co-Active coaching is all about the clients uncovering what truly matters to them and then deciding on their own what they need to do to achieving their dreams.

Well then, the question that pops up next is, what is the coach's role and why cannot I uncover it on my own??

It is absolutely possible that each one of us can uncover our desires and dreams and purpose on our own. But more often than not, we limit our dreams as we also see the huge obstacles in our path. We talk ourselves into lowering our desires and our dreams and convincing ourselves that it is fine not to want more. The desires and dreams then becomes constrained by the stories and beliefs we hold about ourselves. 

In the presence of a co-active coach, a client can uncover the core of who they are, understand their values, get to visualize the impact that they want to create in their world and get to raise their self awareness to the tee. It is no wonder that every single achiever has one thing in common. They have incredible self awareness and an unshakable self belief as a result of that awareness.  

I will address the question of how the co-active coach gets the clients to raise their self awareness in two easy words :'Sample Session' :)

If you are interested, it will be more meaningful for you to experience this, to understand how this works and more importantly if it works for you. Please let me know and I will schedule a quick 30 minute call with you!

Next up, I will address the model of a Co-Active relationship. 

The Paradox of Duality

Have you ever experienced wanting to move away from something and then when you get it you want the exact opposite? 

I experience it all the time. 

When I found myself challenged with an all consuming growth oriented role, I badly wanted stability. Once I moved into a stable role, I began to crave for growth and challenges. 

When I found myself surrounded by people all the time, I asked for independence. Once I had my own space, I began to crave for people and connections.

When I found myself at home on weekends, I asked for fun and travel. After a bit of travelling, all I wanted was to be home on weekends.

It used to bother me and I used to worry that maybe I did not have clarity on what I really wanted. I used to feel anxious and constantly questioned my decisions and felt self critical.

That was when I asked myself, what is it that life is teaching me through this duality paradox.

What I have come to learn is that I need to embrace fully what life comes up with. Life keeps changing and every experience has its own learning. I choose to dance in the paradox of duality and trust that the universe is teaching me something that will come in handy.

I can choose to thrive in the challenge of growth and to breathe in the space of stability. I can choose to celebrate in the joy of heart based connections and to meditate in the seat of silence. I can choose to play in the sands of adventure and to relax in the warmth of home.

Instead of questioning my intellect, when I choose to dance in the moment with what comes up, my anxiety is replaced by calmness and peace.

When you face this duality paradox, how can you choose so that life empowers you as opposed to pulling you down? What will you choose?