Reconnecting with myself

Over the past few weeks, I have been sensing a strong pull towards self expression. Even as I have been taking steps towards expressing myself, through coaching, speaking and writing, I have also sensed quite a bit of resistance. It feels as if one part of me wants to be bigger and bolder but another part is scared and fearful. Hence I have been feeling this swirl of emotions, joyful and alive one time, dejected and anxious the other. 

I feel it is important for me to fully accept every emotion that comes up and not push them away. Every season serves its purpose and I do believe that there is some learning that will be available to me that will reveal itself at the right time. 

However, I do have to separate myself from the stories.

I am creative, authentic and service driven. On some days, it feels like Life is such a joy and there is flow in action. I am grateful for these days. However I want to rid myself of the unrealistic expectations that every single day will be like this. 

I have to remember that I am my values and I am my inner leader every single day, both good and bad.

I am NOT weak, passive or lazy. Yes, there are days when I feel fully in the swirl of negative emotions and am slow to take action. Yes, I am not perfect. Yes I am flawed and human. 

But every single day, I am my values and I am my inner leader.

I have complete faith that when the time comes, what is meant to be expressed will be expressed through me. Till then, I choose to be alive, to be grateful and to be present, with whatever comes up.

Staying with the Mess

I was watching a video of Craig Valentine, a former world public speaking champion. A message he articulated in the video captured my attention.

'You can't create a message without first creating a mess'.

Wow. I thought of all the mess I had created. I had articulated a good number of ideas into words and then being dissatisfied with the quality (mess), deleted a bunch of them altogether. Most of my ideas and thoughts never saw the light of the day. Ouch! I realized that I have never been comfortable staying with the mess.

If you are anything like me, you are probably not expressing your passion enough, be it in writing, music or public speaking or anything else. Your need for perfectionism or standards is coming in the way.

So, how can we stay with the mess? More importantly, how can we get comfortable with the mess? Some elements from the agile methodology is definitely applicable here.

1. Stop the self judgement. The way we look at what we create is often very different from how others perceive it. It is quite possible that what we look at as crap could be perceived as a masterpiece by others. Even otherwise, there is no magic bullet to creating a masterpiece without first getting the ideas into creation. Acknowledge that the creation is more important than what our ego is telling us.

2. Share the mess and get feedback. This is the scary part, where we fear that negative feedback from people will actually reinforce what we tell ourselves at the beginning, that this creation of ours is crap. This is however the exact same path that can help us get comfortable with mess. If we can learn to filter out the criticism and absorb improvement suggestions, we are on our way.

3. Never stop iterating. Sometimes, fatigue will kick in and we will be tempted to explore other avenues that will look far more exciting, as opposed to working on the mess. But if we can be persistent and keep iterating, we will get to the message.

When we polish the rock, time and again, eventually the diamond within will shine through. This requires non judgement, ability to withstand criticism and persistence. At the end of the day it is totally worth it when the message or the masterpiece shines through. 

My Coaching Business, My Baby

Have you ever felt really stressed about a new venture or a new initiative that you took up? You wake up in the morning, feeling heavy in your head, thinking about all the tasks that lies ahead. A deep sense of overwhelm. I know I did.

When I realized that Coaching was my calling, it was like a light bulb went on in my head. I felt exhilarated and panic stricken at the same time. Exhilarated that I have found something that I cared about deeply, that would feed my soul. Panic stricken about all the work that lay ahead in making this calling my reality.

As I took baby steps and got my initial few paying clients, I felt totally alive. I felt joy in my heart and a spring in my step. But with initial success comes high expectations. I decided I had to become a coach full time soon and my mind calculated all the thousand steps that had to be done, immediately!

I have to setup the website, today. I have to print my visiting cards, today. I have to get like a 100 clients, today. As my mind began to focus on all the things that needed to happen immediately, I realized the stress in my head. I realized that the joy of actually experiencing the work of coaching was slipping away.

I decided to take a break and spend time alone, in nature. Just being present in nature is a healing experience and I sensed calmness in my heart. I came back and discussed with my coach on my expectations vis-à-vis setting up the coaching business. I spent time introspecting and came up with a few questions for myself.

What if this business is instead a teeny tiny baby? Would I want this baby to grow up and become an adult in 6 months or in a year? Would I burden the baby with all of the responsibilities? Would I stress the baby to work all day to earn enough to pay all of the bills?

The answer was loud and clear.

I realized that my coaching business is very much my baby. I love it with all of my heart.  All I have to do is to nurture it, every single day and trust that in time, it will stand up on its own legs, walk and eventually run. Till that happens, I am grateful to continue to have a day job that pays the bills, that gives me the space to nurture my calling.

What is your calling, your passion that you want to express, every single day? What are your expectations around it? If it were to be your baby, how would you approach it?

What's calling out to you?

Over the past several months, I have set aside time for volunteering on causes close to my heart. While I have dabbled across multiple causes, I came across leaders from different walks of life who are deeply focused on a single cause and are passionate about creating an impact through their work. On interacting with them, I found that they do not look at what they do as work, it is their mission in life, their calling.

I am convinced that if we want to live a full life, we need to discover our calling. Now, how do we discover our calling? My experience in interacting with these inspiring leaders gave me an insight.

When I volunteered at Habitat for Humanity, I met several kindred spirits who were so fortunate with what they had received in life (Education, Money) that they wanted to give back to the folks who really needed help. When I volunteered at Challenge Day, I met incredibly inspiring leaders who had gone through so much in their childhood (Drugs, Alcohol, Abuse) that their mission is to educate high school children to understand that light is indeed possible at the end of a dark and long tunnel. 

Two completely opposite experiences in life and yet the same outcome towards living their calling.

It boils down to asking ourselves the following questions.

1. What have I received so much in my life that I am so grateful for, that I want to give back to the society?

2. What have I suffered so much in my life, that I never want to see another person go through what I did?

As I spend time with these questions, I am in the process of uncovering something powerful within me that is calling out to me. I am excited to explore what comes up. 

What about you? What's calling out to you?

Power of Self Acceptance

There have been so many days in my life when I used to let myself down by not meeting my goals. Be it annual goals, monthly or even daily goals. I had a penchant for screwing it up. Of course when you fail in the face of your own expectations, guess what your inner critic (voice in your head) will do to you. My inner critic used to beat me up, day after day after day. 

'You are lazy!'  'You are pathetic!'  'You will never improve!'

All of us have faced this inner critic with varying levels of intensity. We almost always come up with a single minded approach to tackling the inner critic. Do more. Get better. Toughen up. In the face of a mountain that seems to become bigger with each failure, we convince ourselves that the only way forward is to run faster. To push harder. We see stories of underdogs winning against all odds and hope against hope that we would be that person, one day. That our massive action will crush our inner critic.

I have tried to take massive action under the crushing weight of past failures. The result has not been pretty. How fast do you think I could run, when my shoulders are unable to handle the increasing burden. I ended up unable to take massive action and failed, yet again. It ultimately led to not just increasing self criticism, but a gaping loss of self esteem. The result? Apathy and Depression. 

Well then, how to handle the inner critic? I recommend a powerful approach, that worked for me, like a dream. It also has the added benefit of making us happier and feeling alive!

Accept ourselves. Fully. With all of our flaws.

The immediate reaction I hear is 'But I already have'!' 'That's what my inner critic has been saying'

No! our inner critic has been feeding us stories. There are flaws and there are stories. 'I take time to understand' is a flaw while 'I am stupid' is a story. By accepting a flaw fully and powerfully, we gain the freedom to focus on improving it or we get to focus instead on enhancing a gift that we have. With stories, there is no choice. There is only pain with no exit in sight.

There is power in authenticity. The minute we look deep within ourselves and accept our flaws, our perspective shifts. We begin to see the beauty within us, the values that have been buried within us and we can begin to understand ourselves better. This in turn gives us the chance to focus on what makes us come alive, what we care about and what truly matters. 

All of us can do more to live richer, fuller lives. But connecting with our values and being our own unique selves, with our own unique gifts and eccentricities is the starting point. When we begin to take steps to fully accept ourselves, that is the time when our soul begins ti wake up. That is the time for massive action. And that is the approach to transforming our lives!

What action can we collectively take today to fully accept ourselves?

Exploring Life from the lens of Curiosity and Wonder

Yesterday, I got an interesting perspective on living life when I was playing with my 4 month old daughter, Srinidhi. She was lying in the cushion on the floor, and she was constantly scanning the room to stare at everything in the room she could possibly see. After singing to her, I suddenly felt like laying down on the floor, right next to her. When I looked up at the ceiling and the room, I felt very light. I remembered my childhood, and thought about how I felt when I used to look up at the stars from the open terrace in my house. 

What would it be, if we can look and approach at life in the same way, with endless curiosity and a deep sense of wonder? 

Why a Co-Active Relationship works

In the last post, we explored about the equal partnership between the Co-active coach and a typical client with big dreams. But, even assuming it is a equal relationship, why would anybody want to share their biggest dreams and fears with their coach? Why would we risk being vulnerable?

We live in a world where we feel judged every single minute, in everything we do. That begins with our very own self critic, who often takes great pleasure at pointing out all the things that we screwed up. When we muster up the courage to divulge our hopes and fears  with our loved ones and close friends, there are times where we feel supported but there are also times where we get to receive advice that comes from the space of judgement. Eventually, we get to a space where we hold onto our dreams within ourselves and sometimes even convince ourselves that it is not worth aspiring towards.

The strength of the Co-Active relationship is the safe space of absolute non judgement. In this space, vulnerability and authentic expression of dreams and desires are celebrated. In this space, the client gets to connect deeply and powerfully with themselves and get clarity on why they pursue their dreams and what steps they will take to achieve it. 

In the safe space of absolute non judgement and vulnerability. as a client, you get to see and feel the best of who you are, at your core. When you feel that. you automatically step up your game and run towards achieving your dreams. As a client, I got to experience that and that is why I believe the Co-Active relationship works. 

If you are looking for a safe space to connect and talk about your dreams, I am available for a quick 30 minute sample session. Please message me, if interested.