The Secret Ingredient

Many of us, nay All of us crave for Happiness. We almost always pursue actions with Happiness as the end goal and in some cases, we crave happiness in every single activity that we do. Whichever form or shape, the pursuit of happiness is a key factor in almost every decision that we consciously or subconsciously take. Unfortunately, we also also tend to avoid activities that may not lead to happiness. 

At work, we tend to focus on activities that interests or excites us while avoiding activities that are not. At home, we will relax by watching TV while our better half or parent will be cleaning up the kitchen and we will procrastinate on tasks such as cleaning up the house or clearing out the trash. The common answer given is that 'I don't like _____' (fill in the blanks). And as we did not enjoy it, it automatically meant that there was no happiness at stake.And on the odd occasion, where we actually did something we did not enjoy, it remained just that, an odd occasion :)

I was also that person who craved happiness above everything else, at work, at home and with friends. However, i realized that the pursuit of happiness very often led to unhappiness! For example, there was always that office work that was boring as hell, that i had to work on. And like it or not, i had to get the work done. With relationships, sometimes there are events that you cannot control, and that led to pain and unhappiness.

On the other hand, I also wondered what is it that kept people in trying situations going. I have always wondered why parents sacrifice so much for their children. This is true in almost every other household, especially in India. Some of them virtually sacrifice their entire lives for their child. For example, my uncle and aunt give 100% of their time tending to my cousin who is a 'special child', day in and day out. The daily activities and burden that they carry at their age is definitely not going to lead to happiness. And they hardly complain! So what keeps them going? 

That Secret Ingredient is 'Fulfillment'. I had heard this term before, but never bothered to understand it fully. I wanted to understand the difference between Happiness and Fulfillment and am thankful for the insight that i got from a mentor. Fulfillment is what keeps people going, even when the activity in itself or the outcome does not lead to happiness. Fulfillment, in turn is a derivative of being true to one's values. And when the objective becomes fulfillment instead of happiness, the possibilities are endless!

For example, if our core value at home is that of a loving husband/wife/son/daughter, then we will go that extra mile in doing the 'boring and thankless tasks', even if we are tired and we wont feel happy doing it. If personal development is a key value, then we will not worry about 'mundane tasks' or the 'quality of work' or whether the 'effort equals reward' and just focus on being extra productive at completing whatever task is assigned to us. If being a responsible citizen is part of who we are, then we will find that extra time to participate in community tasks that may not be particularly appealing (Cleaning Trash/Streets for example). We may not be happy when we are doing the activity but if we live our values that we identify with, we will feel deeply fulfilled at the end of it.

This may sound simple, but as i am realizing, this is a powerful shift. I would love to hear your views. What are your values? And what makes you fulfilled?  

P.S: I was deeply inspired to just write about fulfillment today and i realize that it may not be as structured or concise as i meant it to be. I am planning to convert this topic into a Toastmaster speech and will share the refined version shortly in this blog :)